


We Are Made of History

by markwatnae (bertie)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 21:43:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6627658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertie/pseuds/markwatnae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cody finally learns about the man Obi-Wan has mentioned over the years, offering his general comfort as he grieves, and learns something about himself too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Are Made of History

Cody wakes instantly with the agonized cry of his general.

“Master!”

He looks across the tent to see Obi-Wan sitting on the edge of his camp bed, shoulders trembling and tears darkening the fabric of his leggings. For a moment, Cody entertains the idea of pretending to be asleep, but he knows Obi-Wan is always aware when someone is awake. He gets up and brings his blanket with him, sitting beside the Jedi who is too stoic for his own good.

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

Obi-Wan’s voice is rough and gutted. Cody wonders how many times he has had this dream.

“I’m not,” he says, draping his blanket over narrow shoulders. “Tell me about him.”

Those eyes—Cody has never discerned exactly what color they are—look at him like he has grown a second head or asked Obi-Wan to run naked through the camp. He stares back, waiting patiently. He has heard vague mentions of Obi-Wan’s past and his master—the man who practically raised him and taught him everything he knows. Cody thinks that had he had someone like that he would struggle to accept their death too.

After a long moment, interrupted only by quiet movement of the night watch in the camp, Obi-Wan nods once. They sit cross-legged on the bed and Cody waits patiently for the confidence to fill his general so he may speak.

“His name w—” a soft, pained noise and Obi-Wan puts his forehead in one palm. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Cody soothes. “Keep going.”

A deep breath and he continues. “His name was Qui-Gon Jinn.”

Cody gets Qui-Gon Jinn’s entire backstory, how the Jedi Council could never keep him in line, how he always found some creature—sentient or not—that needed help, and how Obi-Wan all but forced his way into his life. Cody feels a chill roll down his spine at the mention of a thirteen-year-old Obi-Wan offering to sacrifice his life so Qui-Gon could save the rest of the miners on Bandomeer, but he has already talked Obi-Wan back from the same cliff so it is not a true surprise.

“The day I became his Padawan was the best day of my life.” His general’s smile is wistful and beautiful—Cody only registers a minute amount of shock at his realization. “I think that may have been the last time I was truly happy.”

He swallows around the lump that forms in his throat. “Tell me more.”

Obi-Wan tells him about Xanatos, Qui-Gon’s former apprentice that fell to the Dark Side, and how deeply it affected his master. He talks about the time he nearly had his mind wiped by a droid, and only the river rock Qui-Gon had given him kept him from losing all his memories. Cody tries in vain to suppress a shiver. He has heard some talk of mind-wiping droids and nothing that he heard was pleasant. Thinking of Obi-Wan—still a child—withstanding that pain and managing to survive thanks to a _rock_ , just makes Cody admire him even more.

He talks about momentarily leaving the Jedi Order—this almost knocks Cody breathless in shock, but the reasoning behind the decision sounds just like the general he knows. He tells him about Tahl, how Qui-Gon loved her and then she died shortly after he professed his love to her. Cody is grateful for the long, nearly-silent pause after that story. Obi-Wan sobs quietly into the blanket around his shoulders until he forces himself to continue.

He can barely make himself speak of Naboo. Cody remembers Anakin mentioning the planet several times. Senator Amidala is from there. But this planet has deeply wounded Obi-Wan and Cody finds that he hates listening to him grieve without being able to help. Carefully, he reaches out and wraps an arm around Obi-Wan’s back, pulling him closer to his side. Obi-Wan comes easily and leans against him, his tears slowing slightly.

“When we were assigned to go to Naboo, our relationship was already changing. I don’t know why. At first, everything was okay. I mean, the Trade Federation tried to kill us, but we were working well together and everything seemed relatively normal. Our ship’s hyperdrive was damaged so we had to land on Tatooine to repair it. That’s where we found Anakin.”

Obi-Wan takes another long moment to compose himself.

“I disliked Anakin at first. My master was so enthralled with him from the beginning—the complete opposite of how my apprenticeship began. Then a Sith named Darth Maul attacked Qui-Gon on his way back to our ship and he got away, but that was just the beginning of all our misery. When we finally made it to Coruscant, the Council was adamant Anakin was not to become a Jedi. He was too old and his future too clouded, but Qui-Gon was so stubborn.”

“All you Jedi are stubborn,” Cody ribs him lightly, and Obi-Wan even smiles fleetingly.

“He managed to convince the Council to test him, and they did, but they still said he would not be trained.”

Obi-Wan’s breath shudders and he closes his eyes. “Qui-Gon said that he would train him, would take him as his Padawan. When the Council told him I was still his apprentice, he said I was ready for my Trials to become a Knight. I agreed with him mostly out of duty and complete shock. I don’t think I have ever felt more alone than I did at that moment. The man I had loved and trusted for almost ten years was so willing to throw me away just so Anakin would be trained.”

More tears come, sliding slowly down his cheeks, but Obi-Wan ignores them. Cody feels as if his heart is breaking in two.

“I’ve never told anyone how badly that hurt me. I’m sure the Council could tell. They’re the most powerful of the Jedi so it is very hard to hide something from them. I’m sure they saw it written all over me just how defeated and unwanted I felt. I didn’t even have the chance to feel embarrassed about my feelings because I was so cold and shocked. Qui-Gon wanted Anakin—a boy he had only known for three days—over me who he had taught for seven years. I can’t really blame him now since I’ve seen how strong and intelligent Anakin has become, but I was barely twenty at the time and I felt so worthless.”

Cody would really enjoy having a chance to hit Qui-Gon Jinn. No one, especially not Obi-Wan, should be made to feel like this.

“The Council eventually dismissed us and said they would decide Anakin’s fate later. Qui-Gon apologized on the ship back to Naboo, said something about wanting to mention it earlier but he didn’t have the time. I accepted his apology then, but now it just feels half-hearted. Once we landed on Naboo, everything went to shit immediately so there was no time for anything more. While the Queen and her people worked to capture the Viceroy, Qui-Gon and I fought Darth Maul again. We think he was trying to kill the Queen. It was going okay, but then Maul kicked me off a catwalk and I had a difficult time getting back up to my master. We got separated in an energy field and before I could reach him—”

His sobs are weak and tired, buried in the fabric of the blanket to muffle their sound. Cody tightens his arm, hoping to offer him a tiny bit of comfort. Obi-Wan does not pull away or complain so he keeps his arm pressed firmly against his back.

“Maul speared him through the abdomen with his lightsaber. I’ve never felt anguish like that before in my life, and I haven’t felt anything similar since. I watched the man I had loved and adored and emulated for the last decade fall to the floor with a gaping hole in his body and I was powerless to do anything. As soon as the energy field released, I was fighting better and more accurately than I ever had before. Maul got a good hit in and I almost fell into the melting pit, but I caught myself on a nozzle on the wall. He kicked my lightsaber into the pit, but I managed to focus enough to call Qui-Gon’s lightsaber to me. I jumped out of the pit and flipped over Maul and cut him in half.”

Cody is stunned.

“In half? Completely?”

A tiny nod against his shoulder. “Completely. He fell into the pit and I ran to my master’s side. He was already dying. The wound was high enough that it nicked his lungs so his chances of survival were slim. He made me promise I would train Anakin because he would bring balance to the Force. He died in my arms in that melting pit.”

He is outraged that his general—kind, dry-witted, intelligent Obi-Wan—held his dying master and the man’s last words were about a kid they had only known for a handful of days. He cannot imagine how Obi-Wan must have felt and still feels. He does not prompt him to continue, but his general does anyway.

“Several Council members came out to help us wrap everything up. I was given the title of Jedi Knight, but they still didn’t want me to train Anakin. I told them—” he sighs heavily “—I told them I would train him even if it was without the Council’s permission. They finally relented. Master Yoda wanted to give me a small Knighting ceremony and cut my braid, but I refused. I didn’t want anyone touching the braid my master had given me back when I was thirteen. I cut it myself and laid it in his hands before I lit his pyre. I don’t really remember much after that. I know there was a parade to celebrate the peace between the Gungans and the Naboo, but I just remember feeling hollow and tired.”

He swallows loudly, sniffling.

“I had to stay with the healers for almost two weeks after we returned to Coruscant. I had one of the worst cases of shock they’d ever seen. Not only had I fought a Sith and won, but I had my training bond abruptly severed before it was ready. All of that on top of the regular physical and mental injuries that come with battle. After that I was a Master and I had to teach Anakin. I’m surprised he turned out as well as he did. I wasn’t ready to be a Master; I wasn’t even ready to be a Knight. I’ve never felt worthy of my title.”

The last statement is spoken so softly Cody almost misses it completely.

He has the intense, overwhelming urge to throttle the entire Jedi Order, but the warm weight of his general against his side keeps him from flying out of the tent. Cody slowly rubs his hand along Obi-Wan’s back in an attempt to soothe him.

“I can’t bring myself to hate him, or even dislike him,” Obi-Wan continues suddenly. “I love him. He was my whole world, and then he was gone. I miss him every single day, and it hasn’t gotten any easier. It’s been fifteen years and it still feels like I lost him yesterday. He was like a father to me, but it felt like so much more. I wasn’t _in love_ with him, but losing him felt like I lost a limb. I’ve just kept fighting so I don’t have to think about how badly disjointed I feel all the time. And sometimes I have these dreams where he’s talking to me and it feels so real and he tells me how proud he is of me and how well I’ve done and how terribly he misses me and I wake up screaming because this is the life I have to come back to.”

He begins to cry again, whimpering into his hands, and Cody has to grit his teeth and blink repeatedly to force his own tears away.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put all that on you. I’ll just leave—”

“Get back here,” Cody growls, grabbing him and dragging him back onto the bed. “You don’t deserve to carry that burden alone. Let me take some of it from you.”

Obi-Wan looks up at him, eyes red-rimmed and cheeks flushed, and Cody feels a sudden, overwhelming urge to protect and shelter and comfort. He leans in slowly and presses his lips against the smooth forehead. He is surprised when Obi-Wan melts into his side, curling up in his arms and making a soft, desperate noise.

“Shhhh, I’ve got you,” he whispers.

“He was everything to me,” Obi-Wan says, voice cracking and miserable. “I would give anything to have him back. The Order thinks I dealt spectacularly with his death, like a true Jedi, and never mourned him because he became one with the Force and that is our true calling. Even the Code says: _there is no death, there is only the Force._ But it took me six tendays to be able to sleep in his bedroom without sobbing. It took me three months to build a new lightsaber and stop using his. I never destroyed his like I should have. If I sleep through a night without dreaming of him, it’s because I was knocked unconscious or I’m dead.

“Everyone thinks I’m the epitome of the Jedi. I’m what every youngling strives to become. Masters use me as an example for their Padawans. But that only serves to push me farther away from the Order because I cannot go to someone at the Temple and grieve with them when the anniversary of his death comes around. I’m supposed to forget all the times he held me because I was sick or injured or upset. I’m not supposed to remember how it felt when our training bond snapped. Force forbid I try to say _I miss him._ That would land me with the longest lecture of my life from the entire council. I—”

He suddenly runs out of words to say, and the air seems to echo with the sudden loss of noise.

“I’m so sorry you haven’t had the chance to properly grieve,” Cody murmurs. “It’s obvious that he meant a great deal to you, and it’s not right how the Jedi have treated you in regards to his death. If anyone should be allowed to mourn him, it should be you.”

Obi-Wan does not respond. He just leans against Cody and breathes steadily.

“There’s still several hours before sunrise,” Cody says. “Do you want to get some more sleep?”

A long moment passes, and then Obi-Wan nods. Cody wants to stay in the bed with him, but he knows Obi-Wan would not be comfortable with that. He starts to stand and move back to his bed, but a cool hand grasps his fingers.

“Please, stay,” Obi-Wan says, softly like he is afraid to be denied. “If you want.”

Cody gives him a small smile, and settles back down on the bed. He lays down toward the outside of the bunk, letting Obi-Wan cuddle up to his side with a quiet noise of contentment.

“The Jedi Code forbids attachment,” Obi-Wan says after a while, his hand lightly tracing circles on Cody’s chest. “My master never truly followed the Code, and I’m beginning to understand why. I’m in the middle of a warzone, I should be allowed to make as many attachments as I want.”

Cody laughs and squeezes Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

“Just being around you makes everything a little easier,” he whispers, and Cody feels his heart climb up into his throat.

He swallows and hopes his voice does not waver. “We were told not to grow attached to our Jedi, but I think that was impossible at the very beginning. You can’t stand a Jedi Master as gorgeous as you in front of me and tell me not to love him. Don’t even get me started on Wolffe. He’s besotted with General Koon.”

Obi-Wan laughs, and the sound is one of the most beautiful Cody has ever heard.

“Master Koon is just as smitten with him, I assure you,” he replies.

A pause, and then, “You love me?”

Cody does not even have the energy to lie and fake his way out so he simply tells the truth.

“Yes, I do.”

Obi-Wan flattens his palm on Cody’s chest before sliding it over to wrap his arm around his waist.

“I love you too.”

Cody presses another kiss to his forehead, and Obi-Wan hums pleasantly.

“We’ll figure the rest out in the morning,” Cody says softly.

Obi-Wan chuckles quietly and nuzzles his face against Cody’s neck. His beard tickles and he has to fight the urge to flinch. Obi-Wan just presses a soft kiss to his throat before settling back down in his arms.

“Go to sleep, Commander,” he whispers, and Cody feels something odd tugging at the back of his mind.

“ _Jedi_ ,” he growls playfully and feels Obi-Wan laugh against his side.

Anakin gives them a skeptical, knowing look in the morning, but Obi-Wan seems more relaxed than ever so Cody just levels him with a look of his own. Rex elbows Cody in the ribs and nods once. He has known about Cody’s interest in Obi-Wan for a while, always encouraging him to reach out even when Cody was sure his general would never return his affections. Now he is very glad he was wrong.

That night they make out like teenagers, ending up halfway out of their clothes to simply touch skin. They do not dare attempt to make love in a war zone, but it does not stop Cody from using some of the dirty things he has heard from his brothers to get a blush from Obi-Wan.

By far, Cody prefers a sleepy, quiet Obi-Wan to anything else. Once they are dressed for bed and curled up together under their blankets, Obi-Wan is a different person. His titles of General and Master slide away to leave just a man behind. A man who whimpers softly as he is kissed and shivers when Cody pulls him close. Hooking Obi-Wan’s leg over his hip rewards Cody with a sweet, surprised noise. He smiles into their kiss and runs his fingers through auburn hair.

“I love you,” he purrs.

Obi-Wan sighs softly, kissing him back, and then looks up at him drowsily. “I love you too.”

Cody presses a kiss to his forehead.

“Go to sleep, Master Jedi,” Cody murmurs, teasing gently.

Obi-Wan smiles. “You too, Commander.”

Cody strokes Obi-Wan’s hair absently, comforting both of them. He keeps up the motion, smoothing his fringe off his forehead. He realizes a moment later that Obi-Wan is asleep, breathing quietly and contentedly. Cody leans his cheek against the top of his head and listens to him snuffle against his chest. He thinks to himself that he will do anything to keep Obi-Wan safe from harm, even if it costs him his life. He will not allow harm to come to the strongest Jedi in the Order and kindest man in the galaxy.


End file.
